I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym this morning. That’s seven years in a row.

– unknown

I changed all my passwords to ‘incorrect.” Whenever I forget, it will tell me: “Your password is incorrect.”

– unknown

I thought the dryer was making my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.

– unknown

My stomach is FLAT (the L is silent).

– unknown

An antique is something that has been useless for so long it’s still in pretty good condition.

– unknown